ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
