DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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