I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
