Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
