hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
