I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
