he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
