He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
