Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
wow bdsm is so cute
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
