And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
