...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
