Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
