hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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