Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
