my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
