I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
