dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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