WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
