I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
