I accidentally had phone sex last night
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
