idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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