Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
