areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
and i looked up. we had an audience...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
