i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Come see our sink grown plant.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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