yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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