Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
