By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
