I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
