Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
