I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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