Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
