so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
