That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
