Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
