i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
