Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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