I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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