Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
