I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
