woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
