I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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