dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize