i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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