Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
barbara walters just said penis...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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