I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Randomize
