As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
