Kiss
Puke
we have officially lost it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
