i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
