She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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