Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We are all done wearing pants today
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
