I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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